Here’s the thing about depression: it doesn’t just drain your energy, steal your focus, and make even basic things like getting out of bed feel like climbing Everest—it also loves to whisper the worst lies into your ear. Chief among them? You’re a burden.
It’s that quiet, persistent guilt that seeps into everything: leaning on your partner feels like you’re asking for too much. Cancelling plans with friends makes you think they secretly hate you. Struggling at work makes you convinced you’re letting everyone down. Depression isn’t just exhausting—it’s isolating. And when you’re stuck in that spiral, it’s easy to believe that the people in your life would be better off without you. Spoiler alert: they wouldn’t.
The Myth of Being “Too Much”
Let’s unpack this. Feeling like a burden is so common when you’re dealing with depression, and yet, most people never talk about it. That voice in your head? The one telling you that your partner is annoyed, your friends are fed up, and your boss is two seconds away from regretting they ever hired you? It’s not real—it’s your mental health playing tricks on you.
Depression makes you hyper-aware of your own struggles while simultaneously convincing you that everyone else has it all figured out. Your partner’s support suddenly feels like a chore they’re tolerating. Your friend asking how you are feels like pity. The reality? The people who love you want to show up for you. They’re not rolling their eyes behind your back—they’re just hoping you let them in.
Why We Internalize the “Burden” Narrative
So why do we feel this way? A lot of it comes down to how society frames mental health. We’re fed the idea that we need to be relentlessly positive, self-sufficient, and “put together.” Struggling—or even just admitting that you’re struggling—feels like failure, and asking for help feels like you’re inconveniencing people.
But think about it: when your friend is going through something, do you see them as a burden? When your partner’s had a hard day, do you roll your eyes at their feelings? No, you show up for them because you care. Why do you think you deserve less empathy than you give to others?
How to Break the Cycle
Breaking free from the “I’m a burden” mindset isn’t easy (thanks, depression), but it starts with small shifts in perspective. Here’s the cheat sheet:
- Reality Check Your Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking, I’m too much, stop and ask: Is this objectively true? Would I think this about someone I love if they were feeling the way I am? Chances are, the answer is no.
- Let People In: Vulnerability is hard, but it’s also how you build deeper connections. Tell your partner how you’re feeling. Text that friend you cancelled on. Let people prove your brain wrong.
- Know Your Worth: You are more than your mental health struggles. The people in your life love you for who you are, not for how “easy” you are to deal with.
- Seek Professional Support: Therapy isn’t just about fixing problems—it’s about giving yourself space to unpack those feelings and learn how to challenge them.
- Remember: You’re Not Alone: Literally millions of people feel the same way. You’re not broken, and you’re certainly not a burden. You’re human.
The People Who Love You Aren’t Keeping Score
Here’s the truth no one tells you: being there for someone you care about is never a burden. Think about all the times you’ve supported a friend, comforted your partner, or listened to a colleague vent about their problems. Did it ever feel like they owed you something in return? Probably not. Love, in all its forms, isn’t transactional—it’s about showing up, no matter what.
So, the next time that voice in your head tells you you’re too much, remind yourself that you are worthy of love, care, and support—even on your worst days. Depression might be heavy, but you are not a burden. You’re a person, and that’s more than enough.
And if all else fails? Remember this: the people who truly love you aren’t keeping score. Let them be there for you—you’d do the same for them.