Let’s be real—longing is the ultimate main character energy. Whether we’re fantasizing about an unrequited crush, scrolling through aspirational Pinterest boards, or chasing a dream that feels just out of reach, longing has us in a chokehold. But here’s the question: why are we so addicted to wanting something more than actually having it?

Marianne Dashwood from Sense & Sensibility said it best: “To love is to burn—to be on fire.” Longing works the same way. It’s that slow burn of desire that keeps us going, even when it hurts. The ache, the fire, the almost-but-not-quite—there’s something intoxicating about living in that in-between space.

The Science of Why We Love the Chase

Here’s the tea: longing isn’t just a vibe—it’s a literal chemical high. When you’re yearning for something (or someone), your brain’s reward system lights up like the Met Gala red carpet. Dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, goes wild—not when you get the thing, but when you’re in the process of chasing it. It’s the anticipation, not the achievement, that hits hardest.

And here’s the kicker: the moment you actually get what you’ve been dreaming about? The dopamine crash can leave you feeling weirdly “meh.” It’s why the fantasy is often way more satisfying than the reality. It’s why that “perfect” dress in your cart feels magical until it actually arrives.

Longing Is a Mirror (and It’s All About You)

The plot twist? When we’re longing for something, it’s rarely about the thing itself. It’s about what that thing represents. That dream job? It’s about validation. That unattainable crush? It’s about feeling worthy of love. We don’t just long for the object—we long for the version of ourselves we think we’ll become when we have it.

And that’s why longing hits so hard. It’s aspirational. It’s personal. It’s the emotional equivalent of holding up a mirror and asking, “What am I missing?”

Blame It on the Stories We Love

Longing isn’t just a personal thing; it’s baked into the culture. Every iconic movie, song, and book you love is built on this theme. Romeo couldn’t have Juliet. Rose couldn’t keep Jack. It’s the tension, the unfulfilled almost, that makes the story stick. We’re trained to romanticize the unattainable, and it works because, let’s face it, we’ve all been there.

That’s why Marianne’s fiery proclamation in Sense & Sensibility still slaps: longing isn’t just about pain—it’s about passion. It’s about living with your whole chest, even when it hurts like hell.

So, Can We Break the Cycle?

Let’s not pretend we’re giving up longing anytime soon—it’s too much a part of who we are. But maybe we can stop letting it run the show. Instead of obsessing over what’s out of reach, we could flip the script and use longing as a tool. Channel it into your art, your hustle, your growth. Dream big, but don’t sleep on the beauty of what you’ve already got.

Because here’s the truth: longing is messy, complicated, and a little addictive—but it’s also what makes us human. It keeps us reaching, imagining, and evolving. To love is to burn, yes—but to long? That’s how we stay alive.